Dirty Bird scores a surefire hit with The Porne Ultimatum, a winning combination of blockbuster spoof and high-octane sex that repeatedly leaves the viewer in a sticky mess. The hot bodies and cocks filling every scene will help any horny male forget about Bourne star Matt Damon: Taking the lead role as Chason Porne is blond bombshell newcomer Kaden Saylor, and he's backed by floppy-haired boy toy Brent Corrigan, as well as several of Dink Flamingo's Active Duty military boys and a bevy of other hotties.
Porne, whose piercing blue eyes and pumped chest are hard to look away from, escapes from a nude interrogation session, leaps into the ocean and ends up washed ashore on a beach where med student Corrigan stumbles upon him while jogging (and looking great with his underwear peeking out above his shorts). Corrigan nurses the injured hunk back to health and earns a firm fucking as his reward. The two engage in tender sex on a couch as shafts of sunlight highlight their bodies while they play with each other's shafts.
Soon, the goons — played by Active Duty's Levi, Kasey and Colin — are back on Porne's trail while he's out trying to recover lost memories. Chased by the trio, Porne runs into nude sunbather Mason Wyler, who helps Porne escape. When they arrive at a guarded home, cute Wyler distracts the outside guard, Barrett Long, by cruising him. In the garage, Wyler grabs hold of Long's crotch and likes what he feels. The dick comes out, and Wyler gets more than a mouthful — Long's cock is like a large tree branch. With a big, hairy chest, dark-haired Long is especially handsome, and Wyler gets mercilessly slammed by his log.
It's not only the garage of the house that's rockin'. Inside, the goons decide to get busy. Levi orders around Kasey and Colin, orchestrating his own little peepshow before joining in, with he and Kasey stuffing Colin's butt. Sneaking around the house, Porne ends up in a bedroom where Seth and Brant Moore are blowing each other. Mistakenly thinking that Porne is a new recruit, the two invite him to join in for his initiation. Oral gives way to a hot sandwich, with one goon between Porne and the other baddie. Porne gets the most fired up yet here, and the cum shots are excellent as the goons shoot while getting fucked.
The movie saves one of the very best for last, with Porne plowing his new buddy, Wyler, a very sexy blond with a muscular body, sweet ass and fairly huge cock. Wyler spends a good while eating Porne's luscious ass as it is spread in his face, but he is soon on his back getting pounded by our horny hero. The ending follows the lead of its Hollywood inspiration by leaving open the door to a sequel. Whether or not that comes to pass, Porne fans will eagerly return to this one for repeat viewings.
DVD Extras: Scene selection.
