The following review, and the above time and ratings, are for the longer VHS version of this movie and may vary in this shorter DVD version. The DVD version is the edited 65 minute version.
Remember back in the days when dropping your load depended on the number of quarters you dropped into those dark, funky 25-cent peep show palaces? Well, now through the magic of VCR technology, the old blue-ball inspiring condition "loopus interruptus" is forever banished, and we get to see our favorite old gay porn "loops" the way it was always intended...as a full-length film.
For the first time in ages, the old Nova classic "Brian's Men," (changed from its original title to fit these PC-paranoid times) has been restored to its full length, as one of the few attempts the long-defunct studio made to stretch their silent loops out into theatrical-length features with sound, (another best-selling effort is the old chestnut SOMETHING WILD.)
Warts-and-all, with every lighting glitch, lens flare, continuity screw-up and absolutely laughable dialogue, the film is still a precious time capsule of that simpler decade filled with the hedonism and adventurous sexual naïveté that was the hallmark of the '80's.
Think a gay version of "The Dead-End Kids," or even "The Bare Dick Project," (sorry, couldn't resist), and you're in the right frame of mind to get into this tongue-in-cheek, (and every other orifice you can imagine), campy, cum-drenched look at a group of horny car enthusiasts/jerk-off buddies.
Brian and the "Hot Stuff" gang are working on restoring an old convertible at the start, but a little grab-ass and a straight mag are all it takes to turn a tinkering session into a lusty circle-jerk. The tough talk about "fags" and even the pesky-little-brother-who-wants-to-join-in angle have a ring of hilariously ironic truth to it, no matter how badly the lines are delivered, and believe me, the acting is a hoot. But with all this twinkmeat on display, who the fuck is looking at the ACTING???
The "plot" thickens as our Not-So-Little-Rascals try to find creative ways to get parts to fix their beloved vehicle. Blond stud muffin Brian Hawks gets help from sexy next-door neighbor Mark Davis (a Nova regular), who makes it clear that he's a lot less interested in helping Brian find parts, than helping himself TO some of Brian's parts. At least he has hot-to-trot lover Aaron Gage waiting in the shower to slather him up and hose him down, and not just with soap. It's enough to keep him satisfied when the thought of Brian's blond bum cakes gets him all revved up. (Aaron would later become the buffer, beefier and no-less-enthusiastic "Rob Montessa," and would couple with the likes of Dave Connors, Rod Phillips and Eric Stryker.)
Meantime Hot Stuff member Vince Rossi tries to do the right thing by salvaging some throwaways from the dumpster behind an auto parts store. When he can't find what he needs that way, the lure of the inventory room's wide-open back door is too tempting for the juvey to resist. Naturally, when he's considering a little five-finger-discount, he gets caught red-handed by the store manager, Curt Hansen. The subject of possible police involvement comes up, but so does the possibility of working things out. I guess you can "fill in" the rest, since these two certainly do. Watch for the howler of a scene when Curt suggests a thorough fuck and Vince protests...but not too strenuously.
Brian is also obtaining more parts from a muffler store and haggling with buff mechanic Greg Torgeson, who shows us what we've always suspected grease monkeys wore under those coveralls. Brian sheepishly admits that he's short on cash, and of course, works out the same kind of deal with Greg, but with a LOT less of the resistance shown by his buddy Vince, (which isn't saying much, since he swallows Greg's cock like a pro after a few "initial" licks.) After a nice 69 and an enthusiastic plowing of Greg's willing ass, Brian cums away happy, mission accomplished.
Now to paraphrase a recent commercial, "Twink lovers: book a chapel in Vegas." Our Get-A-Nut Gang, riding triumphantly in their refurbished convertible decide to ride out to the woods for a private celebration, (what did I say about "The Bare Dick Project?") Not since George Duroy teamed with Lukas Ridgeton have you seen this much twink cum flying around. Even the pesky "little brother" (Greg Phillips) gets into the action, showing Big Bro Doug Phillips (of course not related) how much he's learned from the Gang, and that he's not so 'little' anymore. He even gets the hysterical last word, before the inescapable musical styling of Garth Evans kick in with the obligatory theme song.
Right down to the anachronistic soundtrack mix of 'Leave-It-To-Beaver' and faux disco music during the key scenes, BRIAN'S MEN vividly evokes a time that is long gone, and most of its stars have passed into history. Isn't it great, though, that we still have the opportunity to look back, and give these guys a salutary one-eyed, one-gun salute?
[NOTE: This is a specially restored version available only through RAD Video. All other distributors carry a radically shortened version that is missing many scenes, and only clocks in at about 64 minutes total.]
